A port from life's daily storms.
Sometimes I will post tiny snippets of it
but I never share the whole thing.
Part of the reason is because I do want to keep it private but
mostly because it's far from being "done" and definitely doesn't measure up to the homes on my blog feed.
I'm slowly working on it but it's taking me forever.
It's due to lack of money and also time.
I work a physically demanding job and when I come home, I don't always feel like working on the house.
So it's taking me YEARS.
I know some people aren't concerned with such things
but I'm obsessed with decor and design.
It's obviously not because I'm trying to impress people
because I basically don't let many people inside my home.
I know it's for myself, my own satisfaction and the feeling of peace as I step inside the door to my private space.
Lately I feel like it's creating me stress.
Stress, because I've been a bit overwhelmed emotionally lately
(I'll share at a later date)
and it's been a struggle to just maintain order.
And also I'm having stress because I have a friend I recently reconnected with, after decades
and who wants to come to my home.
I've said we should meet up for lunch but this friend is constantly requesting to meet Ghost
and Blue and....
asking how many pets I have
and.....
I don't feel like it's mean spirited at all but it's freaking me out.
I've seen images of this person's home
and I'm thinking I could fit my house into the foyer of hers.
and...I don't want to be judged, critiqued or whatever.
I'm not saying she would necessarily judge me but we are now from two entirely different worlds.
This is my refuge, my safe place
and I don't need the pressure.
Some day I hope to have my house to a point that I won't be self conscious about every little thing
but it's not there yet.
I've tried to nicely convey my thoughts
and truly I don't understand why there is such a need to come here.
I've had been working hard on my home
but right now I just want to stop.
Relax and mess it up with art stuff.
It's nice that technology has enabled us to reconnect with people from our pasts
but hermits like me, are hermits for a reason.
That being said...
I love having people like my niece Lily over.
She comes over and flops down in my big chair and chats.
She opens my refrigerator and doesn't comment on the items inside but just grabs some cheese to munch on.
She eats the Halloween candy that's sitting on the shelf with my art supplies and
she looks at things I'm working on and gets excited.
She joins me on the patio and helps me scoop poop
and plays with my dogs.
She doesn't seem to notice that I still have sample paint colors painted on the wall in the kitchen
or that the bathroom still doesn't have the wallpaper done.
I've had other people who have come over and asked me to put my dogs outside
as they excitedly jump up. I've told them that my dogs are just happy to see them and will settle down in a minute
but I can feel my shoulders tense tight and I feel uncomfortably as their eyes scan around the room taking in the chaos.
I hear myself explaining how I'm doing laundry or working on a project or.....
The thing is, when you live in a teeny tiny house where when you walk in and you are instantly in the living room that turns into the kitchen that turns into the laundry room...
Well, yeah. It's all THERE
right in front of you.
Sigh....
So that's just a tiny bit of the stress that's been bugging me.
I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of defending why this or that isn't done.
I'm tired of saying I have no extra dollars.
I'm tired of having no energy.
I'm tired of people feeling sorry for me.
I'm tired of feeling like I must spend my time on projects on the home when I just want to work on my art/books.
and I'm REALLY tired of people asking how many pets I have and making jokes that I live in a zoo.
All my pets are very well cared for.
I make sure they have what they need even if it means I buy the special food for them and eat cereal for myself.
Besides, I love cereal.
It's easy for me to complain here but hard for me to convey that to the people who don't even realize how much their comments and requests stress me out.
So... I'm really thinking hard about how to deal with THIS
because I have some OTHER things going on that I have to figure out too.
My usual method is to pull out my big scissors and cut the ties, the strings that reach out to tie up my thoughts.
OK, I've got that off my chest!
and here's a photo I found over HERE.
Funny that I love white so much but this just jumped out and grabbed me.
It's how I truly want my home to be.
Warm, safe, comfortable and private....
and no concerns about keeping up with the Joneses, or whoever.